Welcome to the March 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting With Special Needs

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how we parent despite and because of challenges thrown our way. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

This month’s carnival is on the topic of  special needs.  I have the blessing of a healthy home.  My kids have no major health issues and I’m thankful to only have the minor inconvenience of teething symptoms or colds here and there.   To be completely honest, I’m more grateful than most for the health of my family because I had the unique experience of growing up in a home with a chronically ill parent.  My home was a natural home and so life was lived with the goal of not only controling, but healing my mother’s condition with raw juicing, supplements, trips to the naturopath and the absence of wheat, dairy, sugar and meat in our diet.

My mother was diagnosed with Lupus as a young adult.  Her journals from that time period have detailed records of what she ate and how she felt as a result.  It seemed that every little stress in her life impacted her health and I find it amazing that in the early months of her marriage to my father, her symptoms were much abated.  In light of that, I do truly believe in the power of true joy and peace.  She had a rather uneventful pregnancy and delivery with me, but was unable to produce milk.  Considering the medications she was taking at the time, I’m ok with her “giving up” and feeding me formula at 2 months.  I’ve had my own struggles to produce enough milk, so her journal entries are heartbreaking for me to read knowing how painful it can be to feel as though you aren’t caring for your child.

A few years later, my mother had a seizure and went into premature labor with my brother.  He was born 10 weeks early and due to their complications, both my mother and baby brother spent many weeks in the hospital.  Lupus is an autoimmune disease.  As with any chronic illness, there will be periods of time when the patient is healthy and gets to live life normally, and then there are the inevitable periods of time when the patient cannot escape from the reality of how ill they are.  In my mother’s case, when she was healthy, she was healthy and we got to live like every other family out there.  But when she was ill, she was very, very ill.

As a result of her illness and me being the oldest child, I had an early education in housekeeping.  My mother taught me at a young age how to do the laundry, clean the house and make simple meals.  My grandmothers would come to help out and drive us to our activities while Mom was sick or in the hospital, but I do remember feeling a little more in control of life since I knew how to care for our home before I was even old enough to stay home alone.  When I was a freshman in high school, my mother became ill enough that she needed to be on dialysis 3 times a week.   In the next few years, my mother was hospitalized on a regular basis and spent countless hours getting treatments or at doctor’s offices.  My senior year in high school, the adoption of my youngest brother was finalized and we added another member to the family.  With the addition of my youngest brother, I got to watch my parents go back through the parenting journey with a toddler and learned a great deal about not only my parents, but how illness changes your perspective on what’s really important.

Exactly 2 months after my wedding day, I was called to the hospital at 5 o’clock in the morning only to arrive moments before they declared Mom dead.  It will be 6 years this May and as I raise my own children, I often wish I could talk to Mom.  She kept a journal detailing our life and the excitement of raising two small children while struggling with her health, but she never wrote down what the solution to a toddler problem was.  My son has the same temperment as I do and often behaves just like Mom wrote that I did… but I have no idea what she did to help diffuse situations.

Even though I am in excellent health and I take specific precautions to make sure my health doesn’t slide, I always have in the back of my mind the possibility of not being around to see my children grow up.  I realize it’s a bit morbid, but it’s been my reality.  In the event that I am not around, I  have very detailed journals, baby books, photo albums and blog entries that are dedicated to my children’s lives.  I never want there to be a question that could have been answered if only I had thought to write it down.  My husband and I have a will and provisional instructions written.  I never want my daughter to have to choose songs for my funeral or wonder if  I would have rathered a scripture from Psalms instead of Romans in my eulogy.  Most of all, growing up in a home with the special circumstances has made me a very purposeful parent.  I make a great effort to create special traditions and rituals.   We make a big deal out of birthdays because I celebrate the chance to have my children and husband in my life for yet another year.  I say “I love you” dozens of times a day.  On the rare occasion that I leave my children in the care of others, I am prompt when picking them up again.  I know what it is like to wait in fear for a parent wondering if something is wrong or if they’re just late.  And I never make a promise I cannot keep.  I know, on a very raw level that I am not in control of how life will play out.  As much as I want to promise I’ll be here in the morning, I never do.  I promise to always love my babies and right now, while they are so little, keeping things in the now is the best thing for them and for me.

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon March 13 with all the carnival links.)

• Parenting A Child With Neutropenia — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama discusses the challenge of parenting a young child who cannot produce enough neutrophils to fight off bacterial infections.
• How I Love My High Need Baby — Shannon at GrowingSlower was shocked to find she is parenting a high-needs baby, but she’s surviving thanks to attachment parenting.
• We’re a Lot Like You — kaidera at Our Little Acorn talks about how her family is similar to others, even with all their special needs
• The Emotional Components of Bonding with Preemies — Having a premature baby can bring on many unexpected emotions for parents, but working through those emotions can bring about a wonderful bonding experience. Adrienne at Natural Parents Network shares.
• Raising a babe with IUGR: from birth through the toddler years — Rachel at Lautaret Bohemiet shares the story of how her son’s post-birth IUGR diagnosis affected his first days of life and gave her an unexpected tutorial in advocating for their rights as a family.
• When a grandparent has a disability — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes shares how she has approached explaining her mother’s disability to her young child.
• Taking The Time To Really See Our Children — Sam at Love Parenting writes about her experiences working with children with various disabilities and how it has affected her parenting style.
• Natural Parenting In An Unnatural Environment — Julie at What I Would Tell You gives us a glimpse into how she improvised to be a natural parent against all odds.
• Getting Through the NICU — Laura at Authentic Parenting gives a few pointers on how to deal with your newborn’s stay in the NICU.
• Living With Sensory Processing Disorder — Christy at Adventures in Mommyhood talks about the challenges that can come from living with a child who has SPD.
• Our rules for NICU – March Carnival — Hannabert’s Mom shares her family’s rules for family and friends of a NICU baby.
• Muddy Boots: Speaking Up for Special Friends — MudpieMama shares about the day her little boy stepped up and spoke up for his best “special” friend.
• Letter from Mineral’s Service Dog — Erika at Cinco de Mommy imagines the letter that accompanies her special needs son’s Service Dog.
• Blessings in Unexpected Places — That Mama Gretchen welcomes an inspiring guest post from a dear friend who shares about the blessings that come from a child with Down syndrome.
• Tube Feeding with a Blenderized Diet of Whole Foods — Erica at ChildOrganics shares her experiences with using real food when feeding her daughter who was unable to feed herself and needed a feeding tube.
• Abbey and Evan — Amyables at Toddler In Tow writes about watching her preschooler play with her friend who is autistic and deaf, and wonders how she can explain his special needs better.
• How to Minimise the Chance of a {Genetically Prone} Child Being Diagnosed with ADHD — Christine at African Babies Don’t Cry shares her tips on keeping a child who is genetically prone to ADHD from suffering the effects.
• Tough Decisions: Parenting With Special Needs — Brenna at Almost All The Truth shares what has been keeping her up at night worrying, while spending her days discovering just what her options are for her precocious child.
• Life with my son — For Dr. Sarah at Good Enough Mum, life with an autistic child is just another variation on the parenting experience.
• Dear Special Needs Mama — Sylvia at MaMammalia writes a letter of encouragement to herself and other mamas of special needs children.
• His Voice — Laura at WaldenMommy relives the day her son said his first sentence.
• What is ‘wrong’ with you’ The challenge of raising a spirited child — Tara at MUMmedia discusses the challenges of raising a child who is ‘more’ intense, stubborn, and strong willed than your average child.
• Tips for Parenting a Child With Special Medical Needs — Jorje of Momma Jorje shares her shortlist of tips she’s learned in parenting a newborn with special medical needs in a guest post at Becoming Crunchy.
• Parenting the Perfectionist Child — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses that as parents of gifted children, we are in the unique position to help them develop the positive aspects of their perfectionism.
• Montessori-Inspired Special Needs Support — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now gives a list of websites and blogs with Montessori-inspired special-needs information and activities.
• Accommodating Others’ Food Allergies — Ever wonder how to handle another family’s food allergies or whether you should just skip the play date altogether? At Code Name: Mama, Dionna’s friend Kellie (whose family has a host of allergies) shares how grateful she is when friends welcome them, as well as a list of easy snacks you can consider.
• Only make promises you can keep — Growing up the child of a parent with a chronic illness left a lasting impact on Laura of A Pug in the Kitchen and what she is willing to promise for the future.
• A Mom and Her Son — Jen at Our Muddy Boots was fortunate to work with a wonderful family for several summers, seeing the mother of this autistic son be his advocate, but not in the ways she thought.
• Guest Post from Maya at Musings of A Marfan Mom — Zoie at TouchstoneZ is honored to share a guest post from Maya, who writes about effective tools she has found as a parent of two very special boys.
• You Don’t Have to Be a Rock — Rachael at The Variegated Life finds steadiness in allowing herself to cry.
• When Special Needs Looks “Normal” — Amy at Anktangle writes about her experience with mothering a son who has Sensory Processing Disorder. She offers some tips (for strangers, friends, and loved ones) on how to best support a family dealing with this particular neurological challenge.
• Special Needs: Limitation or Liberation? — Melissa of White Noise describes the beauty in children with special needs.
• How I Learned It’ll Be Okay — Ashley at Domestic Chaos reflects on what she learned while nannying for a boy with verbal delays.
• Attachment Parenting and Depression — Shannon at The Artful Mama discusses how attachment parenting has helped her get a clearer image of herself as a parent and of her depression.
• On invisible special needs & compassion — Lauren at Hobo Mama points out that even if we can’t see a special need, it doesn’t mean it’s not there.
• Thoughts on Parenting Twins — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings shares her approach to parenting twins.
• ABCs of Breastfeeding in the NICU — Jona at Breastfeeding Twins offers tips for establishing breastfeeding in the alphabet soup of the NICU.
• Life With Michael – A Mother’s Experience of Life With Aspergers Disorder — At Diary of a First Child, Luschka’s sister-in-law Nicky shares her experience as mother to a child on the Autism Spectrum. It is filled with a mother’s love and devotion to her child as an individual, not a label.
• Raised by a Special Needs Mom — Momma Jorje shares what it was like growing up as the daughter of a mother with a handicap.
• Becoming a Special Needs Mom — Ellen at These Broken Vases shares about becoming the mother of a child with Down syndrome
• She Said It Was “Vital” — Alicia of Lactation Narration (and My Baby Sweets) discusses the conflict she felt when trying to decide whether therapy was necessary for her daughter.